I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
