This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
