After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
