so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
