ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
