she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
