The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
