no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
