'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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