Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
