My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As shirtless as possible
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
