why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
