is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Come on in and take your pants off
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