He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
