Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
