His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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