i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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