wakey wakey hands off snakey
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
