i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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