If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
