Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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