i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
