Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
