I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
