I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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