ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
