She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
