Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
