i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
