You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
