hotel room ftw
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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