i always forget guys have bellybuttons
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
