the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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