Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
