where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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