what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
