my sisters under your porch take her home
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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