i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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