After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
