the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
