I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
