I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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