I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think your dad took our porno
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
