Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
