I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
