I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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