Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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