Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
