My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
