i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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