I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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