my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
