his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
