Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
