mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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