We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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